Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
