i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
