is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
do nipples grow back?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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