I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
