I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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