on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
