we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
