Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
