after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
