he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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