remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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