I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
