My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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