just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
