Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
