The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
