you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
