he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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