i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
