he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
