Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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