woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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