we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
