I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
