I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
