some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
