Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
