she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
