Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
