Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
