I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
