i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
