i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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