The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
