i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
