We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
