Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
