Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
