think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
