"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
