and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
