why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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