i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
