My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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