you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
