can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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