i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
