If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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