i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
