Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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