I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
