omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
