She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is the high leading the old right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
